welcoming 2014

nak tahun baru. so what's new?

i will be starting the year with a personal battle. neverending battle to shed weight since end of november and one major battle in securing my future. career actually. dugaan. sendiri cari penyakit pun ya. tapi dah tertulis begini kena tempuh. itupun dah lenient yang amat semua outcome yang datang.

new year. new resolutions?

not really to be honest. every year i did not promise myself absolute goals to be reached. cuma next year pretty significant sebab meningkat umurnya. patut meningkat matangnya. tapi tak jugak. there are aspects where i did mature tapi i'm still me. a whole lot of me. really.

cuma when i'm writing this, i am really in the middle of choosing what i wanna do next year. this prolly determine where i'll be and what i will work as juga. continue in this field or change to something else. i am practically tired. maybe this educational field has worn me out. letih. sangat. kalau boleh memilih, semua orang nak kerja tempat senang tapi duit banyak bulan bulan. gila. mana nak cari. tapi seriously it has weaken me anything that had happened before. at one point, multiple cracked dah. but yup, itu semua hidup. my life to be exact.

stress? of course. yang tahu hanya myself and Him. well now i spill la. kan? hi hi.

anywhow, i am done with recovery phase. now is pursuing phase. go for what i really want. achieve. i don't want to be defending anymore. i just wanna charge. that's all.

after this, whatever the outcome i won't be so sour thinking about it because ive given my best. till then, work hard dulu. sometimes, i felt like a part of me is elsewhere. i just can't figure out where. that, i have to seek.

challenge for 2014, seek the lost me. a minor part je pun. tapi significant. i don't want parts of me flying without cause. charge rina. lilla hi taala. :)

.setapak melangkah, dua langkah ingatan kanda pada dinda.

mentang mentang ada gambar kasut. hihi. terus title jadi setapak melangkah! he he! pepalih provocative nya!

salam ramadhan. ya Allah dah nak dua minggu berpuasa. alhamdulillah. semoga ibadah diterima hingga penghujung ramadhan dan seterusnya. :) param pam pam tahun ni agak hambar di tempat tempat target. cumanya ada port baru jadi semangat terus kembali untuk berasak asak dan beratur secara tenang di param. harga? naik turun. tapi param luar bandar jugak syiok. chendol masih boleh dapat rm1 dan rojak boleh dapat rm2. murah lah tu. tapi nak ke luar bandar tu masalah lah kan. jadi kalau rasa tak ngam alang alang kena belanja, belanja terus yang mahal harga biar puas hati. kalau nak splurge lah. kalau tak, redha je certain harga makanan macam tak masuk akai.

puasa tahun ini, di meja makan, haruslah meriah seperti biasa. cumanya kedudukan di meja makan, di sebelah kanan saya kosong. diletak banyak botol makanan, bekas kurma, bekas air, basically seating tu daripada nampak kosongnya, baik berbaris segala bekas yang ada. in denial abah tak ada? tidaklah. cumanya biarlah jangan di emphasize ketiadaan dia. sudah doa yang terbaik untuk abah kan, biar jangan teremosi hari hari pulak. sebab hari biasa memang jarang lah nak makan di meja makan tu. tapi bulan puasa, what to do. haruslah di situ buka puasanya. jadi dari terpandang pandang seating yang kosong, kena lah ada plan tindakan. stuff we do to protect our emotions. ;p

baju raya? seperti biasa last minute hunting. setiap tahun pun baju rayanya dibeli last minute. tapi kalau baju yang tak ada kena mengena dengan raya boleh aja dibeli on a weekly basis. hi hi. yes, that is how often i shop these days. persiapan raya, momentum dia ikut ketua rumah. mak cakap jalan, jalan! mak cakap chill, chill. i am so going with the flow. kueh raya oh my oh my, belum order lagi pun. jadi i assume everything would be settle in the very end of ramadhan. insyaAllah. weee. cumanya satu, lagu raya kenapa ya tak dengar lagi. overexcited ke apa sampai nak dengar sekarang dah?? tapi yup, no lagu raya yet. vibe raya belum datang lah di tempat tempat umum. walaupun ya ampun sesaknya jalan raya, jalan mall, jalan ke kedai makan dengan manusia. sabarr je lah kan.

                                                                                   subway oh subway.

next, yeah. my wanderlust still kicking in. bezanya elemen kerja dah masuk sekali. jadi alhamdulillah. solo? yup. bittersweet travel solo. challenging tapi yup i pretty much love it. work hard, play hard. ni semua orang oil and gas la ajar ni. haish! anyway, semoga lancar aja dong!

my quote for the day:

"your time can't be defined until you have your workload defining it for you.."

kerja kerja jugak. tapi, this song keeps me sane and collected at times. you've got the love, alright!

enjoy!

.negativity.

do u know someone whom all the time would only has your bitter life at interest? how should i put it? this particular someone would ask only the worst and problematic issues that u're suffering or even facing at any particular moment. this kind of person would very much know which button to push and what questions to ask whenever u meet them.

pretty sickening actually.

i live my life so well that i deduct all the negativities altogether. i have thrown away everything that can possibly makes me sad, hate or even angry. i made peace of myself and i tried so hard in juggling every single thing in my life, my way and whatever happens daily usually are in my control and definitely in my own will. anything unpredictable that happens usually would require more attention and effort from myself and i surely would have all the possible remedies to cure them all meaning to solve everything and get everything back to normal.

but some people?? then tend to dig and suck your happiness by asking the "right" questions and trigger the sadness in you. i think its inappropriate! jenis jaga tepi kain orang dengan perkara bukan bukan. haish. madness. anybody whom is sane would of course get what you're doing and flip instantly. sheesh.  as if you never learn.

i assume that these people are never really happy with their own life and will only feel good when others suffer and really interested in making others unhappy. what a pity. they lack confidence and happiness in their own life and their well-being potrayed is faked? maybe. :)

patience. that is the only key. im down to having my patience at a seriously high level to care or even flinch to the unnecessary inquisitiveness that certain people have in me. i could not care less. the most i can do is just ignore and throw you away. you would pretty much be invisible in the future to me. that simple.

for me, im never at lost. i just have to find a way out. eventually there is nothing anybody can do to tick me off. that level of peace, is something that i yearn for. so far so good.

so, syukur.

.arctic monkeys.

alex turner. his looks. his voice. divine! ;))

this is an acoustic video; suck it and see from the arctic monkeys.

"i pour my aching heart into a popsong, i couldn't get the hang of poetry..
 that's not a skirt girl that's a sawn-off shotgun..."

hahaha!

this is so included inside my playlist. and alex turner, be cruel to me, and i'm a fool for u.. ;))

plus u can serenade me anytime! :p

.wanderlust.

a direct definition: wanderlust is a very strong or irresistable impulse to travel.

    wanderlust poster: courtesy google.

and i might add, that impulse is driven by the choice of finding one true self. well, there will be at some point in your life, you kinda lost it and yup, you will surely have to start again and in other terms, you want to manage all the screw-ups that you have done. you wanna mend your feelings or your heart? well in my case, yeah! ouch! touchy touchy! ;p

therefore, i opt for travelling! seriously, the perks of travelling is endless. i love travelling like a lot. since a couple of significant events in my life, i opt for travelling. i travel almost monthly, anywhere and i just can't sit tight without having the chance to travel. the freedom u possess while travelling is yours. you free yourself from any baggage that you are carrying. you are FREE. literally FREE.

and recently, i went travelling solo. it was risky, seriously risky from my mother's point of view but yeah, i went for it. it was to a nearby country for almost a week. i was pretty nervous, scared and anxious all at the same time. but i really went for it. to my surprise, given the new environment, culture, dialect and community altogether, i survived. i really really want to test myself that much so i worked my ass up to ensure everything went smoothly and i am safe. alhamdulillah, it was a success.

that trip tested my survival skills. i need to be very choosy on food as i need halal food, i was on a tight budget even as a solo traveller so i did bargain and negotiate whenever any mode of transportation is needed other than my prime mode of transportation; my two feet! the language barrier! gosh i hate that but i survived through finger pointing and drawing.. hi hi! directions are important as u usually walk alone. but the main thing for me is accomodation during travelling. that's crucial, so i really secured a really clean and safe place for me. and near to my staying place, is the mosque. so, alhamdulillah, what more do i need. other basic necessities can be found easily as the 7elevensss (more than one) are also nearby. phewww.

the best part was, you travell to your own rules. you go whenever you wanna go whenever. you eat whatever you want, it your choice. whatever actions that u take, the consequences will go back at you. that's the best. lonely? nahh. it will get back to the purpose of your travelling. when i decided to go travel solo, i just want to free my mind, test myself, survive, enjoy myself, make new friends, try anything that i haven't done, explore, do it all safely and come back in one piece. ;)

when i got back, i felt so relieved as i survived. but really, He was there all the time. so i owe it all to Him. and maybe because of my wanderlust, i became someone that i never knew was there inside of me. :)

to wanderlust!

who could not surrender to a view as magnificent as this? well, i'm glad i surrendered. ;)

.Charles Bukowski.

The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship

“There's nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don't live up until their death. They don't honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can't hear it. Most people's deaths are a sham. There's nothing left to die.”

...........................

Above is one of the excerpts written in the said book. I love the quote and how we could relate to it. When i first read it, it brought a sense of emotion into me reminding me the value of death and how we perceive death nowadays. I read this one many times and stayed in my thoughts for a long time. It hit me that yup, we humans, earth dwellers are too caught up with their lives even when they don't understand their own lives anymore. Sometimes, we just carry on and did not even stop for a moment to think about the meaning and the objectives of us living anymore and its pretty sad.

The book is a journal, excerpts written by Charles Bukowski himself. Its personal, honest and somewhat captivating. He was old at that time; in his 70s and he wrote about his everyday life and what he thought about, literally anything. It is one of the things that gave life more meaning to it once we get a hold of his thinking and writing.

and here i gave u two more writings to be pondered upon. :)

from imgace.com

from fine art america : a Richard Tito painting

thank you charles bukowski.

.a tribute to kerisi berlada.

apa itu kerisi?

Kerisi adalah sejenis ikan daripada famili Nemipteridae. Salah satu spesis nya dalam banyak adik beradik dia adalah Japanese Threadfin Bream atau nama saintifiknya Nemipterus japonicus. fuhhh. * dah lama tak main nama saintifik ikan ni!

namun begitu..(bahahaha!) ikan kerisi selalu dikenal pasti dengan sisiknya yang kemerah merahan dia atas dan sesetengah spesis ada jalur kuning memanjang daripada kepala memanjang hingga ke ekor. jadi warna dia memang cantik; ada merah, kuning dan putih. cantik sangat ini ikan. biasanya juga ikan kerisi selalu berisi. gemuk je. nampak sangat belly dia gemuk. atau sepanjang yang saya jumpa semuanya jenis kerisi berisi. beautiful fish!

ini adalah gambarajah ikan kerisi :

sumber : google search  ;)

cantik kan? sukanya lah kat ikan kerisi. rasanya pula memang manis kalau jenis yang baru sampai ke jeti. baru kena tangkap dengan nelayan pulak memang sedapnya! tulang dia juga tidak menyusahkan. jenis biasa dan tak memerlu penglihatan dan tenaga luarbiasa untuk diasingkan. ikan yang baik kan?

oh kerisi.

bila memasaknya, digoreng sahaja sudah memadai. gaul dengan garam kunyit, biar masin sikit. goreng api perlahan tapi sampai garing. lepas digoreng memang dekat tepi tepi ikan tu, garing, masin, kuning, kruk krak! haish! memang sedapppp. isinya dekat tengah manis je. kulit dia kalau dah nak terkopak tu dengan warna kuning kunyit keemas emasannya, masin..waduh! ambil masa makan ikan kerisi, tenang kunyah dan makan betul betul. sangatlah memuaskan hati.

selain itu, boleh juga dimasak lada ikan kerisi ini. tumis lada yang dah kisar, bawang, asam jawa sedikit, tumis dengan doa dan penuh kasih sayang.. dan masukkan ikan kerisi yang dah digoreng tadi. gaul, biarkan ia dimandikan dengan tumisan berlada yang pasti akan menusuk satu rumah. tunggu dan biarkan tumis lada tu garing, kehitam hitaman. memang tumisan atau kuah akan jadi kurang, tak berkuah sangat tapi garing dia tu bila makan dengan nasi panas nanti, tenyeh tenyeh aiyomaaaa pehhh!!

hasil masakan ikan kerisi berlada yang menjadi biasanya seperti inilah rupanya :

indah kan?? i love u forever and ever kerisi berlada!