living the moment and while it last.

besar maksud phrase itu.

tapi itu rasa aku.

living the moment.
ya. hidup. dalam sekarang.
hidup sepenuhnya masa ini.
bernafas. hidup puas puas.
jangan ditahan tahan,
tinggalkan yang tak patut.
tapi buat yang perlu dan baik
sungguh sungguh.

live. literally, live.

while it lasts.
semacam sedih bunyi.
tak lah.
macam biasa.
semua roda.
yang senang tak selalu senang
yang susah tak akan selalu susah
dia berkitar.
atas dan bawah tunggu turn untuk potong satu sama lain
enjoy dan rasa semuanya.
while it lasts.

sebab sampai satu masa
takdirnya semua ditelan masa
ditelan situasi
ditelan orang orang yang memaksa

kan habis semua.
rugi, kita.

jadi enjoy
dalam bersihnya hati kita,
mesti dikelilingi orang baik baik sahaja

mesti.

jadilah orang yang waras
dan selalu ingat janji Dia itu pasti.
dan kita ini hanya dimahukan yang baik baik
dari Dia.

percaya, itu sahaja ubatnya.

:)

pukul 2.27 pagi

bukan susah nak hidup
kena pandai bangun dan duduk
berlari bila perlu
mendaki sama laju

hiduplah kita

cuma bila tersadung sikit
pandang kiri kanan
depan dan belakang
semua tiada

kau tinggalkan semua, kan
kau pilih untuk hidup sendiri
kau tutup pintu hati
kau kunci semua emosi
kau rasa kuat teramat
walau kadang kadang perasaan menjerit kuat

auzubillahiminasshaitonirrojim

usir ia.
ketepikan semua

ini semua mainan sahaja

rabiatul adawiyah
tingginya darjatnya
cintanya pada Dia
aku manusia biasa biasa
dapat sedikit begitu pun
syukur berkali agaknya

cuba lagi
tak kan tersadung sekali
nak benci jatuh tadi
padahal semua atas kau sendiri


tenang
matahari tidak pernah berhenti datang
gelap malam berganti cerah siang

kau pun sama
tak ada yang kekal selamanya
baik yang indah
atau yang buruk rupanya

tenang.

welcoming 2014

nak tahun baru. so what's new?

i will be starting the year with a personal battle. neverending battle to shed weight since end of november and one major battle in securing my future. career actually. dugaan. sendiri cari penyakit pun ya. tapi dah tertulis begini kena tempuh. itupun dah lenient yang amat semua outcome yang datang.

new year. new resolutions?

not really to be honest. every year i did not promise myself absolute goals to be reached. cuma next year pretty significant sebab meningkat umurnya. patut meningkat matangnya. tapi tak jugak. there are aspects where i did mature tapi i'm still me. a whole lot of me. really.

cuma when i'm writing this, i am really in the middle of choosing what i wanna do next year. this prolly determine where i'll be and what i will work as juga. continue in this field or change to something else. i am practically tired. maybe this educational field has worn me out. letih. sangat. kalau boleh memilih, semua orang nak kerja tempat senang tapi duit banyak bulan bulan. gila. mana nak cari. tapi seriously it has weaken me anything that had happened before. at one point, multiple cracked dah. but yup, itu semua hidup. my life to be exact.

stress? of course. yang tahu hanya myself and Him. well now i spill la. kan? hi hi.

anywhow, i am done with recovery phase. now is pursuing phase. go for what i really want. achieve. i don't want to be defending anymore. i just wanna charge. that's all.

after this, whatever the outcome i won't be so sour thinking about it because ive given my best. till then, work hard dulu. sometimes, i felt like a part of me is elsewhere. i just can't figure out where. that, i have to seek.

challenge for 2014, seek the lost me. a minor part je pun. tapi significant. i don't want parts of me flying without cause. charge rina. lilla hi taala. :)

.setapak melangkah, dua langkah ingatan kanda pada dinda.

mentang mentang ada gambar kasut. hihi. terus title jadi setapak melangkah! he he! pepalih provocative nya!

salam ramadhan. ya Allah dah nak dua minggu berpuasa. alhamdulillah. semoga ibadah diterima hingga penghujung ramadhan dan seterusnya. :) param pam pam tahun ni agak hambar di tempat tempat target. cumanya ada port baru jadi semangat terus kembali untuk berasak asak dan beratur secara tenang di param. harga? naik turun. tapi param luar bandar jugak syiok. chendol masih boleh dapat rm1 dan rojak boleh dapat rm2. murah lah tu. tapi nak ke luar bandar tu masalah lah kan. jadi kalau rasa tak ngam alang alang kena belanja, belanja terus yang mahal harga biar puas hati. kalau nak splurge lah. kalau tak, redha je certain harga makanan macam tak masuk akai.

puasa tahun ini, di meja makan, haruslah meriah seperti biasa. cumanya kedudukan di meja makan, di sebelah kanan saya kosong. diletak banyak botol makanan, bekas kurma, bekas air, basically seating tu daripada nampak kosongnya, baik berbaris segala bekas yang ada. in denial abah tak ada? tidaklah. cumanya biarlah jangan di emphasize ketiadaan dia. sudah doa yang terbaik untuk abah kan, biar jangan teremosi hari hari pulak. sebab hari biasa memang jarang lah nak makan di meja makan tu. tapi bulan puasa, what to do. haruslah di situ buka puasanya. jadi dari terpandang pandang seating yang kosong, kena lah ada plan tindakan. stuff we do to protect our emotions. ;p

baju raya? seperti biasa last minute hunting. setiap tahun pun baju rayanya dibeli last minute. tapi kalau baju yang tak ada kena mengena dengan raya boleh aja dibeli on a weekly basis. hi hi. yes, that is how often i shop these days. persiapan raya, momentum dia ikut ketua rumah. mak cakap jalan, jalan! mak cakap chill, chill. i am so going with the flow. kueh raya oh my oh my, belum order lagi pun. jadi i assume everything would be settle in the very end of ramadhan. insyaAllah. weee. cumanya satu, lagu raya kenapa ya tak dengar lagi. overexcited ke apa sampai nak dengar sekarang dah?? tapi yup, no lagu raya yet. vibe raya belum datang lah di tempat tempat umum. walaupun ya ampun sesaknya jalan raya, jalan mall, jalan ke kedai makan dengan manusia. sabarr je lah kan.

                                                                                   subway oh subway.

next, yeah. my wanderlust still kicking in. bezanya elemen kerja dah masuk sekali. jadi alhamdulillah. solo? yup. bittersweet travel solo. challenging tapi yup i pretty much love it. work hard, play hard. ni semua orang oil and gas la ajar ni. haish! anyway, semoga lancar aja dong!

my quote for the day:

"your time can't be defined until you have your workload defining it for you.."

kerja kerja jugak. tapi, this song keeps me sane and collected at times. you've got the love, alright!

enjoy!

.negativity.

do u know someone whom all the time would only has your bitter life at interest? how should i put it? this particular someone would ask only the worst and problematic issues that u're suffering or even facing at any particular moment. this kind of person would very much know which button to push and what questions to ask whenever u meet them.

pretty sickening actually.

i live my life so well that i deduct all the negativities altogether. i have thrown away everything that can possibly makes me sad, hate or even angry. i made peace of myself and i tried so hard in juggling every single thing in my life, my way and whatever happens daily usually are in my control and definitely in my own will. anything unpredictable that happens usually would require more attention and effort from myself and i surely would have all the possible remedies to cure them all meaning to solve everything and get everything back to normal.

but some people?? then tend to dig and suck your happiness by asking the "right" questions and trigger the sadness in you. i think its inappropriate! jenis jaga tepi kain orang dengan perkara bukan bukan. haish. madness. anybody whom is sane would of course get what you're doing and flip instantly. sheesh.  as if you never learn.

i assume that these people are never really happy with their own life and will only feel good when others suffer and really interested in making others unhappy. what a pity. they lack confidence and happiness in their own life and their well-being potrayed is faked? maybe. :)

patience. that is the only key. im down to having my patience at a seriously high level to care or even flinch to the unnecessary inquisitiveness that certain people have in me. i could not care less. the most i can do is just ignore and throw you away. you would pretty much be invisible in the future to me. that simple.

for me, im never at lost. i just have to find a way out. eventually there is nothing anybody can do to tick me off. that level of peace, is something that i yearn for. so far so good.

so, syukur.

.arctic monkeys.

alex turner. his looks. his voice. divine! ;))

this is an acoustic video; suck it and see from the arctic monkeys.

"i pour my aching heart into a popsong, i couldn't get the hang of poetry..
 that's not a skirt girl that's a sawn-off shotgun..."

hahaha!

this is so included inside my playlist. and alex turner, be cruel to me, and i'm a fool for u.. ;))

plus u can serenade me anytime! :p

.wanderlust.

a direct definition: wanderlust is a very strong or irresistable impulse to travel.

    wanderlust poster: courtesy google.

and i might add, that impulse is driven by the choice of finding one true self. well, there will be at some point in your life, you kinda lost it and yup, you will surely have to start again and in other terms, you want to manage all the screw-ups that you have done. you wanna mend your feelings or your heart? well in my case, yeah! ouch! touchy touchy! ;p

therefore, i opt for travelling! seriously, the perks of travelling is endless. i love travelling like a lot. since a couple of significant events in my life, i opt for travelling. i travel almost monthly, anywhere and i just can't sit tight without having the chance to travel. the freedom u possess while travelling is yours. you free yourself from any baggage that you are carrying. you are FREE. literally FREE.

and recently, i went travelling solo. it was risky, seriously risky from my mother's point of view but yeah, i went for it. it was to a nearby country for almost a week. i was pretty nervous, scared and anxious all at the same time. but i really went for it. to my surprise, given the new environment, culture, dialect and community altogether, i survived. i really really want to test myself that much so i worked my ass up to ensure everything went smoothly and i am safe. alhamdulillah, it was a success.

that trip tested my survival skills. i need to be very choosy on food as i need halal food, i was on a tight budget even as a solo traveller so i did bargain and negotiate whenever any mode of transportation is needed other than my prime mode of transportation; my two feet! the language barrier! gosh i hate that but i survived through finger pointing and drawing.. hi hi! directions are important as u usually walk alone. but the main thing for me is accomodation during travelling. that's crucial, so i really secured a really clean and safe place for me. and near to my staying place, is the mosque. so, alhamdulillah, what more do i need. other basic necessities can be found easily as the 7elevensss (more than one) are also nearby. phewww.

the best part was, you travell to your own rules. you go whenever you wanna go whenever. you eat whatever you want, it your choice. whatever actions that u take, the consequences will go back at you. that's the best. lonely? nahh. it will get back to the purpose of your travelling. when i decided to go travel solo, i just want to free my mind, test myself, survive, enjoy myself, make new friends, try anything that i haven't done, explore, do it all safely and come back in one piece. ;)

when i got back, i felt so relieved as i survived. but really, He was there all the time. so i owe it all to Him. and maybe because of my wanderlust, i became someone that i never knew was there inside of me. :)

to wanderlust!

who could not surrender to a view as magnificent as this? well, i'm glad i surrendered. ;)

.Charles Bukowski.

The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship

“There's nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don't live up until their death. They don't honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can't hear it. Most people's deaths are a sham. There's nothing left to die.”

...........................

Above is one of the excerpts written in the said book. I love the quote and how we could relate to it. When i first read it, it brought a sense of emotion into me reminding me the value of death and how we perceive death nowadays. I read this one many times and stayed in my thoughts for a long time. It hit me that yup, we humans, earth dwellers are too caught up with their lives even when they don't understand their own lives anymore. Sometimes, we just carry on and did not even stop for a moment to think about the meaning and the objectives of us living anymore and its pretty sad.

The book is a journal, excerpts written by Charles Bukowski himself. Its personal, honest and somewhat captivating. He was old at that time; in his 70s and he wrote about his everyday life and what he thought about, literally anything. It is one of the things that gave life more meaning to it once we get a hold of his thinking and writing.

and here i gave u two more writings to be pondered upon. :)

from imgace.com

from fine art america : a Richard Tito painting

thank you charles bukowski.

.a tribute to kerisi berlada.

apa itu kerisi?

Kerisi adalah sejenis ikan daripada famili Nemipteridae. Salah satu spesis nya dalam banyak adik beradik dia adalah Japanese Threadfin Bream atau nama saintifiknya Nemipterus japonicus. fuhhh. * dah lama tak main nama saintifik ikan ni!

namun begitu..(bahahaha!) ikan kerisi selalu dikenal pasti dengan sisiknya yang kemerah merahan dia atas dan sesetengah spesis ada jalur kuning memanjang daripada kepala memanjang hingga ke ekor. jadi warna dia memang cantik; ada merah, kuning dan putih. cantik sangat ini ikan. biasanya juga ikan kerisi selalu berisi. gemuk je. nampak sangat belly dia gemuk. atau sepanjang yang saya jumpa semuanya jenis kerisi berisi. beautiful fish!

ini adalah gambarajah ikan kerisi :

sumber : google search  ;)

cantik kan? sukanya lah kat ikan kerisi. rasanya pula memang manis kalau jenis yang baru sampai ke jeti. baru kena tangkap dengan nelayan pulak memang sedapnya! tulang dia juga tidak menyusahkan. jenis biasa dan tak memerlu penglihatan dan tenaga luarbiasa untuk diasingkan. ikan yang baik kan?

oh kerisi.

bila memasaknya, digoreng sahaja sudah memadai. gaul dengan garam kunyit, biar masin sikit. goreng api perlahan tapi sampai garing. lepas digoreng memang dekat tepi tepi ikan tu, garing, masin, kuning, kruk krak! haish! memang sedapppp. isinya dekat tengah manis je. kulit dia kalau dah nak terkopak tu dengan warna kuning kunyit keemas emasannya, masin..waduh! ambil masa makan ikan kerisi, tenang kunyah dan makan betul betul. sangatlah memuaskan hati.

selain itu, boleh juga dimasak lada ikan kerisi ini. tumis lada yang dah kisar, bawang, asam jawa sedikit, tumis dengan doa dan penuh kasih sayang.. dan masukkan ikan kerisi yang dah digoreng tadi. gaul, biarkan ia dimandikan dengan tumisan berlada yang pasti akan menusuk satu rumah. tunggu dan biarkan tumis lada tu garing, kehitam hitaman. memang tumisan atau kuah akan jadi kurang, tak berkuah sangat tapi garing dia tu bila makan dengan nasi panas nanti, tenyeh tenyeh aiyomaaaa pehhh!!

hasil masakan ikan kerisi berlada yang menjadi biasanya seperti inilah rupanya :

indah kan?? i love u forever and ever kerisi berlada!

.levitation photography.

what are the odds that u suddenly discover something that intrigues u instantly? and the best part is, u realized it coincidentally. yup, while i was browsing.. *am suppose to sleep early today for i have series of errands to run tomorrow + travelling .. i found out about levitation photography!

so, what is levitation photography??

its basically pictures that appear as if the object is levitating or floating. yes its not au natural. u have to work with items such as boxes, crates, sofas, beds, ladders, ropes, tripod and of course photoshop or any other reliable software that would make layers editing possible. but still, believe me the result is too natural to be true! i think its a handful of process; choosing the concept, idea, setting up, picking the venue and the best timing that nature could provide; well its a lengthy procedure altogether without doubt. but when u see the picture, its all worth it. definitely.

here i give u a few samples of levitation photos that caught my attention. what a fruitful browsing tonight! :)

by Vikas Anand

so this first one is a picture of a man, levitating in an almost perfect manner. btw, i love sunsets. the transition from daytime to nighttime; that is one amazing scene. and with this picture, seriously, it was done so well. the sunset exposure in between his legs, the light reflection, the water and silhouettes of the buildings. very nice. perfect! but maybe its even nicer if the model was a lady and the photographer could play around with her hair. well, just a thought of mine. :p

by  Luke Takes

this second one is very well done. i admire the concept. my mind simply went on thinking about the technical stuffs like where did he position whatever that is holding this lady? i mean how did he edited it soo well? and her feet! look at her feet, its almost natural to be stepping on guard by the wall as if she has Spiderman abilities or something. but however her left foot might be a little off but. that's tolerable. the colour coordination is somewhat mysterious too. and when u have reflections; in this case her hand, well that just gain this picture extra points! gosh! very nice!

by Gigikassis

this third one, funny, magical, mindblowing?? ahah! its blowing the model herself. i love it that he showed lots of items levitating at the same time, again i wonder how did he do that? its very neat that he focused on all the details. the cap, nozzle and she herself with her hair in place.. this is one cool picture. Esso should be giving her credits, huh?

.....

these are all examples of astonishing shots that were captured and produced so well. but in relevant to these pictures, i would like to present to u a picture taken in 1948 by a noted photographer, Phillipe Hansman. its a collaboration shot with fellow painter, Salvador Dali. i tell u, this picture did not go through photoshop editing but merely 28 times of tossing the cats and waters inclusive the jumping session of the model to produce a satisfactory picture.

Dali  Atomicus

Phillipe Hansman had photographed celebrities and even during his time, he had always ask his models to jump and mind you again i repeat the shots were taken in an au natural composition and setting. the endresult did not go through any software editing. so, he was one remarkable photographer!

lastly, i give u a couple of photos taken by Natsumi Hayashi (yowa yowa camera woman), a japanese lady whom has staged herself all around Japan even in crowded places; levitating! she did it so graceful and elegant. u can check her pictures out. some of them may be tad spooky which i dare not attach here for significant reasons. :)

so did u enjoy all the photos?? all of them are doped, right?? i am impressed. levitation photography for me has taken photography altogether, one notch higher. maybe i would indulge myself in making levitating shots like them. well, who knows right! haha!

lastly, before i sign out, i have to mention this one dude whom is soo crazy u will not believe his photos. believe me, believe your eyes. i've warned u. close your mouth gentleman. i give u, Li Wei!! a combination of very artistic, acrobatic, levitating, drama and even a touch of Kungfu Hustle in them. Enjoy! ;)

 till then! hip hip for awesome photography!

.speed the collapse.

it is one of "metric" 's song. i love that canadian band. but in relating to the title above, it makes sense right?

metric's  latest album. one of canada's best!

okay..but "what" collapse?

hear me! your uterus wall; never fails to collapse. when u're dehydrated or deprived nutrition, u tend to collapse. kebulur in malay. when u sustain excessive heat for a long period of time, u may collapse. when u lost in a battle, your strategy backfires or u're outnumbered in a war, your empire might collapse. when your investment did not go to the way u're expecting it to be, your shares or the stocks exchange would collapse, waves, as they shoal; triggered by winds will eventually collapse and touch the shore and if its so powerful and high enough; well i give u tsunami baby! 

given the examples, collapsing or collapse as a root word is a matter of falling apart, failure, mishap, decline or breaking down. its basically antonyms to rise, winning, success, significant..collapse in the easiest sense means loose.

so why so we want to speed the collapse as what metric's says?

because of pain? suffering? crappy moments? too hard too handle at times?? problematic? cry? sadness??

all of these are related to collapsing. when we anticipate hardships, or faced with testing scenarios, i for one reason want it to pass quickly. it takes time to process the fact that we are facing challenging moments that would actually put us in a brief moment of sadness but yup, i want it to pass quickly. embrace the moment, accept and adapt but seriously i would do anything to expedite the process.

why??

so that the hurt of the suffering is BRIEF. so that its temporary. i believe, by speeding the testing moments, we can realize quickly its only up to us and us only to resolve it, get a hold of it, respond, change, make amends, rise, ascend and get pass it. with all your might and will, its never impossible. and with hopes and actions combined, the phase will eventually fade.

at least that's what i thought. who would have known through a song title; there could so much to be pondered upon. so yeah, nobody wants to feel eternal pain. so, that's why we would want to speed the collapse. hihi!

the vocalist: emily haines alongside her bandmates.

i rest my case.

p/s: hear the metric out! seriously awesome music. if we are on the same page. ;)

Yasmin Mogahed on sadness and depression! she nailed it!

all those hardships are meant to build us. to cure us at the same time.
seriously, He meant it for our good. its us who often misunderstood.

miss me? i was on hiatus remember? ;)

petang.

lamanya on hiatus. cheh! on hiatus konon. hujan hujan ni, lepas letih membaca, kita menulis sikitlah. buat anjakan paradigma. hi hi! cuaca sekarang tak menentu. macam tak ada musim. hari ini memang macam pukul 8 pagi 24/7. sedap sedap je nak berbaring baca buku sampai lesu. makan pun tak payah gayanya ni.

lagipun orang yang dah nocturnal since 2 weeks ago memang macam ni. dia punya hari baru bermula tengahari tadi. bayangkan tahap hyper nya sekarang ini walaupun dalam hujan. cumanya harus stay indoor. dang!

bawah ni gambar sunshine di bandar Mekah. saya ambil masa dalam bas tahun lepas. masa tu nak ke Jabal Rahmah. teringat pulak. haish. semoga ada rezeki lagi nanti insyaAllah. 

sunshine ni analoginya sinar bahagia. sinar yang menyenangkan. jadi, a new beginning lah kira kira nya ni kan.

semoga berterusan. :)

june! i love you!

hi june!

welcome back!

how's the past year treating u? its quite a bumpy ride for u huh? oh well, almost a year has passed since the number was 27 for u. now, to add up another year to it, of course there's a helluva difference rite?

so what's up june?

new resolutions?

i may address a few that i have in my mind.

1. to be closer to Him.
this would require myself to be a better servant to Him. after all that had happened, i clearly realized that there is no one that i should turn to other than Him. He is always there. through my thick and thin. through my ups and downs. all the way. honestly, i only did turn myself to Him when i was feeling bitter. before, i went on with my life, those sweet times of mine, without remembering Him. i dismissed myself from Him and i learnt my lesson well. insyaAllah, words from the heart; i will try every day, to be a better me. i think that He is giving me chances to work myself up to becoming closer to Him, the Nabi and to my religion and beliefs. i screwed things pretty badly personally. i'm ashamed. so, i have to mend things with Him. i have to.

2. to achieve
achieve in a different kind of perspective. my mother, that's the utmost priority. everything about me revolves around her. so whatever she feels alright doing is fine with me. no from her, means no for me. my responsibility now is to attend to her. that's a promise i made to myself. my mother is my everything.

studies..my studies should come second. my work, my research, my dreams of becoming that someone is surely my goal. right now, i can't say i'm doing well, but i feel that i'm doing great. so, this one crucial year is left for me to prove that i can become that golden achiever that i wanna be. there may be obstacles along the way, i mean i still procrastinate and be off guard at times, but i'm getting there. :p. i wanna get there.

3. to feel secured
i myself is a control freak. these past years, i put my balance in life in the hands of my partner. with him, i felt comfortable. i felt great. i felt like i can do anything i wanna do with him. but to my surprise, when i left him, i was lost. i felt so vulnerable and hurt. so, i can't lay my feeling of security in the hands of my partner anymore. i have to find my peace. i have to be secured of myself. with or without anybody. i wanna prove to me that i'll be doing great independently. i can't depend on others. ever. period. whatever i can't do, i can do eventually even it takes time to learn. that, i knew from experience. that i seek in me in the future.

4. to be HAPPY, i mean really HAPPY
right now, i can become a zombie any time. even when i'm in a conversation, my thoughts can go elsewhere. that's how unfocus i could get. i can screen a happy me in front of others although i'm not realllly happy inside. i have an unsettling feeling inside me. the more i succumb myself to it, the more its eating me inside. so i have to seek peace with myself. my heart and my feelings. i won't allow it to be meddled by recent events. i can't be unhappy! that's just not me. to be really happy, that's what i wanna be.

5. to be an all-rounded person
i'm not perfect. i have my flaws that i'm not proud of. i'm trying each day to learn something new. be it to be forgiving. be it to be happier. be it to be interested in doing good deeds. i'm trying! but sometimes i feel like suffocating, as if although i'm telling others that i'm choking, there would be no rescue coming for me and at last, i sank. that's not good. i wanna be knowledgeable. i wanna be a new me. i want to be able to do what i can't do. i wanna test myself in doing stuff that i felt like i'm incapable of doing. i want to be a giggly me. a confident me. a better cook. an organized me. a non-procrastinator me. i wanna be that. i may not be perfect, but i want to be near perfect. at least i could try.

6. to have patience
this point, i'm working on continuously. i'm so impatient. even towards simple stuff, i'm easily ticked off. that's bad. i realized that i snapped to others easily. i'm so uncomfortable with that cause when i realized that i did it, i can't reverse myself from doing it. i can't rewind it as i pleased and i ended up hurting others without having the slightest idea. so i wanna have more patience in me. i wanna instill patience in me. i have to really be calm and collected. well, i've got to be granted a free pass during a certain week of the month, but maybe if  could control that too, i deserve a praise, then. so let me try doing that. :)

7. to seek a partner cum husband
i like the number 7. so i like this point a lot. i wanna get married. i dreamt to be married to a man that would love me because of Him. i want that man to tell me that we each other could help ourselves to become better Muslims. lilla hi ta ala. i want that man to be madly in love with me and be accepting of myself, who i am, what i believe in, my family and friends..and the list goes on. i want him to fight for me. lilla hi ta ala. i want that man to be there for me. i want a sincere man. i too want to be deserving for him. i too want him to want me for him. i believe, after recent events, He will guide me to this man of mine. my husband. :) oh sheesh, i can't wait. insyaAllah.

so i guess that's about it. in 21 days, i will write again insyaAllah. i am looking forward for June 2012. i think amazing stuffs will happen this month. i can feel it in my guts.

no more tears, june. no more sadness. throw them away, ya. lookout for the best. don't forget to hope for the best. work harder. the rainbow is on the way!

smile!